Am I really retired?

Well, yes and no.  Let me explain.

On the one hand I’ve closed my private practice, long ago left my full time faculty position at Wilmington University, I do very few workshops for the state’s Division of Substance Abuse and Mental Health, I stopped doing psycho-forensic evaluations for the Office of the Public Defender, and even stopped teaching Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction.  That sounds like I’ve really retired!

But, on the other hand, I am still teaching as an adjunct professor in that same graduate program at Wilmington University, I provide clinical supervision to graduate-level interns along with clinical supervision and consultation to an assortment of professional counselors and clinical social workers, and, best of all, I travel to Limen House in Wilmington four times a month to provide mindfulness training and to facilitate a process group. All in all I have found a good balance between “retired time” (e.g. reading, hiking, a little golf now and then, and time with the grandchildren) and keeping a hand in the field that I love, Pastoral Counseling.

One might ask “why continue to do ANY work at all?”  I’ve learned that when your work feels playful it’s not work at all.  I’ve also learned that when your work provides a sense of ongoing meaning and purpose, then it’s a labor of love and joy.  I can illustrate that by telling you about the mindfulness session I led at Limen House this morning.

The Women’s House was lightly populated today at 9 am, as most residents had an appointment or a work opportunity.  At the start of the session there were three attendees, including a woman who had only been there for three days, so she was unfamiliar with me and with mindfulness.  About 40 minutes into the meeting two members who had been out for an appointment returned, so by the time we did the actual meditation, which lasted for 10 minutes, there were five attendees.

In our previous meeting nine days earlier, a process group meeting, I had introduced a teaching about the three Jewels of Buddhism: the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha.  I am not a Buddhist, and I’m certainly not teaching Buddhism to the residents of this long-term addiction residential recovery facility, but there is a purpose here.  Buddhists state that they “take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha.”  One can loosely  translate these three refuges in these ways:

First, the “Buddha” for a non-Buddhist would be an exemplar one seeks to model oneself after.  That might be one’s Higher Power or God.  Or maybe a mentor or one’s sponsor in a 12 Step group. One woman said her “Buddha” was her family, especially her mother and daughter.  And, of course, there were several women who defined their “Buddha” as Jesus of Nazareth.

The second refuge, the Dharma, refers to the teachings of the Buddha or, perhaps, the teachings one chooses to follow to live a moral and holy life.  Several woman noted the Big Book of AA and the 12 Step principles and practices as their “Dharma.”  Others named the Christian Gospels and the Hebrew Scriptures.  Every woman agreed that one must find a source of wisdom and guidance to live one’s best life.

The third refuge, the Sangha, refers to the Buddhist community.  I redefined that as the fellowship that one needs in order to feel supported throughout one’s recovery from addiction.  The women easily saw that their primary Sangha was Limen House itself, what they called the “Limen House Bubble,” a safe place to get healthy again.  They also cited the 12 Step rooms they attend along with the therapy spaces where they work on their mental health and addiction issues.  A few cited close friendships and family ties as their “Sangha.”

The conversation this morning about finding a refuge during the difficult early days of addiction recovery was a rich dialog with deep sharing.  I encouraged the women to use the teaching about the Three Jewels a a guide in finding refuge.  As I heard the women talking about the need for refuge, for safety, in order to address their addiction issues and their experiences of trauma in much of their lives, I thought of my own needs for refuge and how I am surrounded by so many sources of that safety.  I have the fellowship of a family that loves and supports me.  I have mentors who have been true exemplars of the kind of person I aspire to be.  I have had teachings from so many sources over the years and continue to find new voices that guide me and challenge me to go deeper.  And I have friends, dear friends, who are willing to share their deepest thoughts and feelings and receive mine in return.  Filled with passion for my field and the work I am privileged to do, I left Limen House this morning renewed and revivified once again.

I pose this question to you:  what are your refuges?  Who is an exemplar of the kind of life you aspire to live?  What are the teachings that guide you?  Where do you find the fellowship you need to travel the spiritual pathway you’ve chosen?  These are good questions to consider and, if you are struggling in any one of the three, then perhaps your struggle will lead you to find the support and guidance you need going forward.

So, am I really retired?  I suppose not, though I work fewer hours than before and I earn much less income than ever.  But if retired means letting go of the connections I have to a field that I love, then I want no part of retirement.  I suppose my wife is right: “he is ‘kind of’ retired.”  And, I believe, that is as it should be.

Peace,

Jim